Mother Heal My Angry Heart

Today I go under the Pyramid of the Sun... and I ask Mother heal my angry heart... teach me to forgive... to let go...  

I didn't know I was angry... then my awareness grew and connected with it... struggled to find it... to connect with my power... kept at it... asked why I am angry... saw memories... trapped in time... fought inner demons... reverted to child like reaction.... saw how it affected those I love...


and tonight as the Thunder crashes as I write... I am ready to say no more... to let the rain wash away my sorrow... cleanse my fear... I don't know what it would be like to alleviate my angry heart but I know you can... Mother inside heal me... I am forever in your service...

Just a simple Chanting Yogi... calling your name... endlessly devoted to you.  Love and warmth from under the Sun :  )


Naga Gold Chants

The #nagagaytri in my heart all the time overlooking the pyramid of the sun and all of #Nagagold Chants... at the #palaceofthejaguar in #teotihuacan awe and gratitude to all teachers of Opening, past present and future ... #YOUARETHETEMPLE practicing the #fouragreements and the Toltec wisdom of common sense teachings of #Miguelruiz and of the great #yogis of India ... love and warmth to all : )

The Teacherless Path

Before I first came to Teotihuacan I wrote a blog about Teachers. 

It was shortly after the passing of a great Teacher Samuel Sagan and the meeting of another teacher Jose Ruiz. 

Now that time has passed, I want to again reflect on the role of a teacher on my journey.  

Most of my life I have not been blessed with a close teacher.  

I have been jealous of close students of any great Teacher.  

However, I realize there are benefits to a teacher and at the same time to not having a teacher.  

With a teacher, you receive guidance along the way, with someone watching when you are falling. They may pick you up or choose not to, all for your best interest. They can give clear guidance and instruction.  

However, without a Teacher I have had the opportunity to need to make choices constantly. Some could be criticized and some uplifted, but they were all of my choices.  I take responsibility for them, unless my victimhood is calling the shots.  

On the Teacherless path everyone is your Teacher. All moments are important. This could be said of a path with a Teacher too.  

However, I am speaking of constant discernment of what and when to practice.  I learned the importance of practice from Samuel and the importance of following my Truth from Eric Pearl. Jose has taught me love, his father Miguel Ruiz taught me so much through his books I can't sum it up to one thing.  

My daughter and son have been even greater teachers. They humble me. I am seen as kind and present, however kids reveal your cracks.  Lyla, my daughter has taught me patience and my son has taught me joy. 

In the end the true Teacher comes inside and if you are lucky enough to have Teachers in your life, you are blessed. If you are not you are blessed.   

I trust all my crazy decisions, marriage, the seminary, children, trips to India.  Bringing my family to Teotihuacan. All of it. I am blessed. I am grateful. 

Love and warmth from Teotihuacan.  


Forgiveness is fluidfying your energy... chant to forgive

The next time you feel yourself getting angry... 

Use the sound Gum like chewing gum to forgive...

All you have to do is rest your awareness in your heart in the center of the chest and chant Gum aloud...

Like really loud... as loud as you can...  

If you start to remember something about the person you were hurt by... just bring your awareness back to your heart and Open... feel the vibration, the warmth, the Temple... 

You are the Temple... Mother and Love come from within you... all you have to do is FEEL. 

As you feel you fluidify your energy and heal your emotional wound... Feel whatever comes up but most importantly Feel the Opening... Forgive by surrendering and letting go of your attachment to the wrong doing. Free yourself of your pain by Opening.

Soften with Mother within

The Equinox is a time of Opening... Life is bursting from the ground... our hearts are on the verge of blossoming... all we have to do is open. The Sounds of Mother will free us from our calasified minds... will release us from our emotional wounds... will liberate us from our self-hatred... will free us from the mantra of misery... the endless dialogue of self-judgment and punishment.  OPEN

 Hreem Shreem Kleem I'm Sow


Mother rests within your heart... she resides within you... she is experienced in every kind gesture... in your patience... your giving... your loving.... your kindness... she is in your Opening. Open to her. Embody her.

 Om Ram Ma

 Om Ram Ma Om Ram Ma Om Ram Ma Om Ram Ma Om Ram Ma

Be here now in you...  

Feel your body

Your belly

 Om Sow Soondaree



All my love this lovely Equinox. 


Fresh vision on an old tattoo... Chanting on the pyramids with you : )

Don't you love my son's striped pajamas Ba ha ha ha

Don't you love my son's striped pajamas Ba ha ha ha

While I am chanting like most mornings my kids find their way to my lap.

This morning was no different, but since it has been so cold lately... my arms have been covered with sleeves.

Today my forearm attracted my son's attention shortly after his arrival into my lap. In his comfy striped pajamas : )

He was inquisitive of my tattoo and what it meant.

I was intrigued how his eyes brought new vision to something that has been on my arms for years.  

Honestly, it was a tattoo that I have thought of covering up. I lost the thread to it. My wife loves it, it sparks something for her... I think she saw something I could not embrace in myself. Truth I was not ready to face. Love and acceptance of my passion for chanting.  And pyramids and of God and mother within myself. Within my temple inside me. And sharing it with others.

But her joy over the lotus and the feeling behind it helped me keep it in tact and not get another tattoo over it. Thanks God and Mother :  )

Today, I am inspired. We are about to chant on the pyramids. The eight lotus petals represent Vedic practices. They also symbolize purity, we are going to purify our temples within. A big triangle. The pyramids of Teotihuacan, the energy of these holy grounds and the Toltec wisdom. To embrace God the smaller upward triangle and Mother the downward triangle inside us all. In our center the circle. The Heart of all we are to be all we are. Because we are perfect and complete as we are right now in this moment.

Ahhh I can't wait to go for this Spring Equinox 2017 to chant on the Pyramids with all of you. the circle around the Pyramid, this is all of us together.... chanting on the pyramids in Teotihuacan, Mexico. 

Come chant with us!

1 Book that changed my life, Nama-Japa... the Core of Mother's practice

Japa (Sanskrit: जप) is the meditative repetition of a mantra or a divine name. It is a practice found in Buddhism,[1] Hinduism,[2] Jainism[3] and Sikhism.[4][5]
The mantra or name may be spoken softly, enough for the practitioner to hear it, or it may be spoken within the reciter's mind. Japa may be performed while sitting in a meditation posture, while performing other activities, or as part of formal worship in group settings. 

My first visit to India brought me to Puducherry and Mother-Shri Aurobindo's ashram... 

One day in the book store, I asked the question if they had a book on Japa-Mantra Meditation... there are very few you can find in the west, try looking on Amazon, you might find a handful...

So, when I asked I didn't have high hopes, and when the woman said no, I nearly walked out... but THEN this book appeared in my hand... WHAT a GIFT! Thank MOTHER, I asked!!!

It was like THUNDER struck me!

And reading it was even more amazing...

I felt a completeness in me about my LOVE of chanting...

At some moments I have questioned my passion about this practice of Japa, but this book made me realize... this doubt might just be because I was born- woke up on the wrong side of the bed or world that is LOL... 

There was 1 paragraph that fortified my PERSONAL-FAITH... a real AFFIRMATION, of something I always knew but my mind would try to make me doubt, when I was reacting to my life path...

It affirmed all I knew in my heart. Talk about Self-Aknowledgement... A REAL clarification in words and DOWNLOAD of Eternal wisdom...

Mother: "I have come to realize that this sadhana of the body, the mantra is essential. Sri Aurobindo gave none; he said that one should be able to do all the work without having to resort to external means. Had he reached the point where we are now, he would have seen that the purely psychological method is inadequate and that a japa is necessary, because only japa has a direct action on the body. So I had to find it the method alone, to find my mantra by myself. But now that things are ready, I have done ten years of work in a few months. That is the difficulty, it requires time... And I repeat my mantra constantly-when I am awake and even when I sleep. I say it when I am getting dressed, when I eat, when I work, when I speak with others; it is there, just behind in the background, all the time, all the time. In fact, you can immediately see the difference between those who have a mantra and those that don't. With those who have no mantra, even if they have a strong habit of meditation or concentration, something around them remains hazy and vague. Whereas the japa imparts to those who practice it a kind of precision, a kind of solidity; an armature. They become galvanized, as it were." The Mother's Agenda Vol. 1 1951-1960, p.301

Next time your heart tells you something LISTEN... these messages can change the rest of your life... Be brave... and if all you want to do is chant... CHANT... don't let anything tell you otherwise... If you LOVE something, the DIVINE within... wants nothing more than you to DO IT. Never ask why, because you could spend the rest of your life, having your MIND answer... instead of enjoying all that calls to YOU.

Love and warmth :  )

A magical moment, a Divine appointment, 15 years in the making


15 years ago... December 1st, 2001... it was the first time I loved myself unconditionally, saying NO for the first time in my life... saying YES to myself. I had pushed life too far, and I had to make a decision for myself.  It was the first time I said NO to my brother, to his addictions.  It saved my life and opened up a new timeline for myself.  

I believe this act opened the door to this moment... Miguel and I holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes on the Pyramid of the Moon in Teotihuacan, Mexico.  The Moon, the MOTHER, all of his LOVE... all of my LOVE... resting on holy ground.  BEING HERE... NOW, within myself... in the intensity... an awkward gulp... to hold the gaze, to not give in... to continue... to STAY present.

The love I felt inside myself, from his presence was immense, the gratitude I felt for his LOVE, can't be measured.  It may have been a minute, five minutes... but it felt like a lifetime.

The 15 year span from when I first read his books... being completely transformed from my favorite the Mastery of Love... to realize how much I hated myself... how much I chose to continually hurt myself... to build enough awareness to really change... 


After over a decade of Meditation and awareness practices, I have begun to consciously to say YES to me...

My story, my name, my character Michael is slowly dying and I am being reborn to who I truly am... the FORCE, which moves my body... the FORCE which chants Empowered Sounds... the FORCE, which gives me a voice!

Our story is one of the major obstacles of self-love... holding on to the hurts, the wounds... it only prevents unconditional love and acceptance... as adults, we have a choice now... as kids we may have been helpless... but now YOU and I have a choice...

CHOOSE YOU... not your story... choose the part of you that is immortal, your Eternal Flame... find a practice of awareness that leads you to a relationship with the most intimate part of yourself... let go of the rest... and DIE to the moment and YOU will awaken to who you truly are...

This can hurt, because as Miguel says you have let the poison out... but it is worth the pain... forgive, let go and accept yourself as you are... BECAUSE YOU ARE PERFECT... all my LOVE!

"You are the Temple"... Come chant on the pyramids and take your own Power Journey, March 20-23rd


My Experience with the Ruiz Family and the ancient Pyramids of Teotihuacan 2016-2017

First and foremost, I am so thankful to the RUIZ family... you are so beautiful... so much love... thank you Teotihuacan... what a gift... the Sun, the Moon, the Underworlds... the MOTHER... so much... so much... what a gift to start 2017... and with my family!!! Let's make some sound... and BE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE & ACCEPTANCE :  ) BE you, I will be ME... and the world with be HAPPY!!!


Loving myself

As I become responsible, I realize more and more...loving myself is the only way I can really heal.  

The victim in me will wait its whole life to receive love. Like the man who kept praying to God during a flood. As he sat on his roof and people kept coming to save him... he just told them all God will save me. As the water became higher people kept coming and he kept saying No. then he dies, gets to heaven and he sees God. He asks why didn't you save me? God replies I sent one person after another, you kept saying No.  

In the words of Miguel Ruiz, "you are either happy or stupid". This man was stupid. Our victims are stupid. My victim is stupid. 

When I fall into grief, my victim says No. NO. NO!

And I wait. Sometimes for a very long time. Not as long as I did in the past. 

Now I realize with my awareness, that I am sulking. I am misery-ing.  

Then I choose to make an Empowered Sound. Om Gum Gana or Om Ram Mama Raksha or any sound. Something that can hold my victim. Because even though he is stupid, I have to love his stupid ass. And teach him that he has to stop hating himself. And I have to show him how? Because like I said he is stupid.  

You know those moments where you are stubborn. Refusing to let in any love. Everyone tries to listen, to love, to hold you. You refuse. You are stubborn. 

I would add to Miguel's phrase and say you are "either happy" or stubborn. 

This part, my Michael, will never evolve unless I teach him. There are a million techniques or practices for him to learn. Any will work. One that calls to me will work even better. The one I know works for me. Whatever works. 

For me I have to keep it simple. Make sound. Use my voice. Especially aloud. My voice heals my hurts. It uplifts me to my Eternal Flame. I become more. 

The candle won't light itself.  

Time has changed. It is time to light our own flames. And stop being stupid.  And stubborn.  

Have courage and light your flame this New Years. Because you are not stupid or stubborn. "You are powerful beyond measure". You are beautiful. You are perfect as you are.  But all of this doesn't matter unless you stop saying No. 

Say yes.


A Tribute to a Real Teacher

It is not until someone is gone that you discover all they have given...

This was a man, who followed Truth...

A real seeker.

A True teacher...

A lover of the coming of the Light.

Samuel Sagan

Samuel Sagan

As I awoke this Christmas morning... with the stillness of the Darkened night... and I lit the flame and chanted holy names... I remember how he taught me how to gaze at a candle to spark the fire within... my heart was blown open in aspiration then and now... a wanting to touch the Divine... so I lifted my pencil and drew this portrait of Samuel..

My time with him was spent more listening as I practiced his correspondence courses and later edited his meditations... more than in person... we had few conversations... but they have left lasting impressions...

Christmas is a time of unveiling the LIGHT within... this was what this man aspired to do... he was not a guru... but he embodied its original meaning... he helped lift the veil covering my Truth... 

He wrote a cosmology where I found my Devotion, rekindled... I felt like a child again... wanting to reach within and find God... 

In his last years, I had went off to live my Truth and when I was in Peru in Cuzco, he called to me when I was in a deep state of need or did I call to him... and I dictated Vasuki and the Hummingbird in Cuzco during a ceremony... a story of the pains and glories of AWAKENING, based on my favorite story from his cosmology... Later, I recited it aloud on top of Mount Shasta... at about 10,000 feet... the days before his passing...

I found his book about Meditation, a little over 5 years ago... my life had blossomed so much since that first reading... I felt there was not much to learn and he taught me there are No Limits...

Although he did not teach Sanskrit Sounds, he was a teacher of Silent Meditation... he inspired me to thousand of hours of study and practice of mantra...

All leading back into myself... the answers come from within... and he taught me the value of practicing with others... of Fellowship.

The morning I heard of his passing I chanted this, in gratitude of all I have received... in tribute to him and his teachings. 

Samuel was full of Love for his Teacher and had insatiable Fire for Truth...

Both challenged me to find such Love and Fire in myself...

Could I love something as much as he loved his teacher? Could I follow my Truth as he followed his own? Could I awaken my Fire?  My enthusiasm?

This is what I continue to aspire to do...

I have found a glimpse of this inside, through SOUND... this is a mantra, which EMBODIES the Golden-ness I feel in him... the PRESENCE... the feel of HEART inside me when I chant it... I feel here... HE was always HERE...

The man had the Warmth, I attempt to Embody each day with my wife and children... every time I teach and heal...  HEART... real heart, not "custard"... real FIRE...

In India I felt him in a cave in Rishikesh... 

A cave Christ was to have meditated in... so I share these words this morning with you... through the aspiration and inspiration I feel from and for them...  SO this Christmas morning... as the Sun now is rising and shining in my eyes as I write this, I share this video...

All I can say is a Teacher in my estimation, is someone who teaches you how to GO INSIDE... how to rest within... to embody the Divine... and to ASK for more... to be MORE..

So, thank you Samuel


The Sounds of Mother

A year ago, my wife gave me a present to go to India… In the past five years I have practiced and studied Empowered Sounds and sanskrit mantra, but I had never seen India… To say the least I was shocked, I had five weeks in India, and no kids… just me, whatever I wanted to do.

This sent me into great turmoil, it ended a belief instantly that I can’t… because I could, and I didn’t ask for it… she just did it.

To give some context of the Mother… you need to know some back story of many indigenous cultures and of India.  I am going to make some sweeping generalizations and I am by no means saying this is fact, this is my experience on the subject, my personal exploration… so don’t be offended if does not align with your beliefs or even facts you may know on the topic… In simplest terms to a westerner, God creator could be seen as Father and Earth, Giver, Nurturer could be seen as Mother.  In India there is Shiva and Shakti, consciousness and energy.  When we think of consciousness we are referring to awareness, the ability to be aware of something.  Meditation, is usually in the form of Father-Creator-Shiva-Consciousness.  Mother, is more in the lines of healing, energy, holding.  The stuff that Father meditates on.

Father=Meditation, Mother=Healing

That being said, you really can’t have one without the other.  But I was in search for the Sounds of Mother… I wanted to feel her… taste her… make love to her… be held by her… and bring her home… I wanted to become her…  I wanted to share her… I wanted to help others through her essence… through her Sounds.

When it comes to her Sounds, I find that people have very similar results while meditating on them (what I mean by meditation is simply, making a Empowered Sound aloud like Ram and continuously repeating it for a given session or using various Empowered Sounds)

People experience through Mother…

  • Grounded-ness
  • Emotional Intelligence
  • Self-Confidence
  • Ease
  • Warmth
  • Intent

I use the Sounds very simply by resting your awareness (Father) on a given center of the body… there are six we use… above the head (the Flame), the center of the head (the Eye), the center of the chest (the heart), just below the navel (the belly), if lying down, just below the feet (the Root).  They are all on a central axis of energy called the Sushumna, in Sanskrit, in other systems of energy it is called the Central Channel.  It moves from the vertex of the head down through the perineum, it then descends between your legs.  On this central channel, you find various places where the meridians of Chinese medicine and the nadis of Ayurveda meet, these specific locations are called Chakras as you probably have heard, but more simply Energy centers.  So, while meditating using Empowered Sounds, you bring your awareness to a given center and you make a Sound.

The six centers have a corresponding bija (seed sound), basically the essence of the energy and consciousness commonly found… the most common sounds are found in Chakra meditations.

1. Lam at the perineum or root or Earth chakra

2. Vam around the public bone for the Water chakra or sacral-sexual center

3. Ram at the navel for the Fire chakra (sometimes at the Solar plexus depending on the given system)

4. Yam at in the center of chest for the Heart chakra-center

5. Ham or Hoom at the Throat chakra for the throat center

6. Om or Sham at the forehead or the center of the head near the pineal gland for the 3rd Eye chakra

7. And above the head gets a little dicey, the 1,000 petaled lotus, the crown chakra… some say you can’t use sound up there others go back to Om… but it is a sort of common belief that above the head, either connects you to the Soul, the spirit world or your Higher Self-Ego (As seen in the Anthroposophical model based on Rudolf Steiner‘s writings).

That being said, I use to teach these sounds, but I find them not to directly correspond to the Mother or integrative into moment to moment awareness practices in everyday life… they are universal forces of consciousness and nature, but through research and experience of working with students I have found other Sounds that were revealed to me through spontaneous healings of clients and students during session or classes… experiences throughout India, Peru… and my daily practice here in Ashland, OR & Mount Shasta, CA, which meet these objectives.

So, instead of 7 chakras, I use 6 centers.

From top to bottom…

The first center is about 6 to 12 inches above the head, I refer too as the Flame, because it is common to feel a sense of your eternal flame… your essence that comes with you from life to life… the Sounds is Sow.

Then in the center of the head but sometimes in the frontal eye… Hlreem

The throat behind the adam’s apple, etc, the power of your voice and a place of purity is Streem.

The center of the chest is the heart and the sound Gum, just like chewing gum.

The navel, the center of the Will is Ram (like saying ahhh at the doctor’s office, R-ahhhhh-mmm)

The root, just below the body when sitting or below the feet is Doom

So, in short…

Flame= Sow

Eye= Hlreem

Throat= Streem

Heart= Gum

Belly= Ram

Root= Doom

Now, the question is why are these the Sounds I chose for the Mother?

When I first arrived in India, I went to Tiruvannamalai and a mountain called Aranchula…. A mountain that was popularized when a Westerner, Paul Brunton wrote a book called a Search in Secret India about many saints of India… but specifically about Ramana Maharshi.  It is a Father place, a space of deep meditation… and stillness.  To my dismay as I was walking down from one of the caves, he meditated in, an Indian man, started asking me why I was chanting… and in so many words told me I was wasting my time… but I also got the message that this was not the place to find Mother, it opened me up to the awareness needed to allow Mother to permeate my soul… but no Mother to be found… only Father… so, I wasted no time and moved on to Puducherry, where I was originally supposed to be ending my trip for a Sanskrit Course taught by Sampadanda Mahishra, who wrote the introduction to the book Mantra Yoga & Primal Sounds that helped me really practice mantra seed sounds.  However, I did not have a place to and I stopped in at the Shri Aurobindo and Mother Ashram guest house I had arranged to stay at later in the month for the course…  But I felt I had to go now…

Throughout my life, I have always trusted my instincts and inner messages, no matter how much my mind disagreed.  So, Just a couple of days into my travels, I scrapped my original first week plan and left the Ramana Maharshi’s ashram for Puducherry. To say the least, I was terrified once I got to Puducherry, I still had about 5 weeks to go and my plans were shrinking, I had never left the US and I was alone… I never felt so alone and afraid in my life… however if you have ever been to Puducherry, it carries one of the most safe feelings of any place I have every been… the people are kind and upbeat, the ocean’s waves crash into the shore with peace… so, the fear was inside me… only in me… nowhere else… but as I saw a picture of Mother, I never felt so held in my fear… unbeknownst to me, an ignorant westerner, January is prime tourist season in Puducherry and it also prime time to visit the ashram… therefore the rooms had all been booked up for months… I begged like a child to the receptionist at the ashram for a room just for a night… now for people, who have traveled to India, you know that finding a room is easier than you think… but for me to find out that of the 5 guest houses not one had a room, I was terrified… but she let me stay one night… once I got my room, I laid and I cried myself to sleep… while I felt more connected than I ever had in my life… Mother was pouring her energy into me… the Sound was above my head in the flame… Om Sow Soondaree… (listen to the empowered sounds recordings)

The next day, I found myself a place to stay blocks away right on the Ocean, I found the Samdhi (place where Mother and Shir Aurobindo were buried), and I woke up everyday at 4ish to chant by the ocean… I visited the Samadhi 5 times a day for meditation… and the mornings greeted me with wondering Sadhus and huge spaces of opening… the rising sun Om Ram Ma…

And then came the projectile vomiting and in the words of Peter from the movie “I love you Man”… “that is a real thing”… I never knew there was such a thing as projectile vomiting… but it is true… as I went to find the Mother… I spent days purifying myself, emptying my body as I attempted to empty my mind and clear my emotions… at one point in the middle of night, the place I stayed put me on little motorcycle at two in the morning to go to the hospital… the place looked more like a jail than a medical facility… they wanted to put me on an IV, I said “NO NEEDLES”… all I wanted to do was go home… however after a 21 day practice, from morning to night of my mantra to Mother, visiting the Samadhi throughout the day, and reading texts on Sanskrit, Japa and the Vedas… something of the Mother really landed for me…

I then started a Sanskrit course, but within in days of thinking we would be doing mantra yoga all day, I found out there was a different objective… and then someone asked to look at my tattoos, and as I showed them… we ended up the Samadhi of 33 saints… where Sri Aurobindo first landed in Puducherry… and the main Samadhi was NagaLinga… as I was told the only such place in India… It was a Shiva Temple where an original palm leaf of Shiva was kept in the central sanctuary… The significance of the place was that I chant the Naga Gayatri as my mantra.  In Sanksrit Mythology and what can also be found in Atlantean Secrets written by Samuel Sagan, is the ultimate devotional beings of the Divine Mother… sacred Golden snakes… they are Purity… Om Hlreem Naga… and their king… Om Streem Vasookee…  they were said to “be cooked even longer than the gods”… pure Energy… LIFE… hence Mother… and as I chanted one night, the Puja (sacred Fire ceremony) became the words coming from my mouth, they chanted no other mantras… they allowed me to chant at the Samadhi of NagaLinga… and that night I was told by a messenger to go to Manchu Picchu…

Overall my first trip to India, felt more like an initiation, a purification and STAMP on my practice of Japa (the silent uttering of a Divine Name)… after this there was no turning back on my Truth of my practice and sharing with others…

Upon my arrival home, more and more people began coming to Meditation class and experiencing the Emotional Integration Process… this is an 8 session process of working through building awareness of your emotional reactions… building EI (Emotional Intelligence)… looking at Grief, Anger and Fear… when they arise enacting the Will.. by choosing to use their corresponding mantras of Warmth, Self-confidence and Ease… Doom for fear… Ram for Anger… and Gum for Grief…  Mother was calling me to bring more people to her… to help them to realize, she is in them… she is the answers within their own hearts… she is the all pervading healing force we are all capable of opening too…

Then one morning I awoke… knowing it was time to go to Peru… I bought the tickets within an hour of awakening… and I ended up in the Amazon taking sacred medicine… but more than that feeling her beautiful darkness.. her never ending love… her complete holding… just below the Malokas… where the Shamans conduct their healing ceremonies… I could feel this BLACKNESS… Om Doom Doorga… the Earth in all her depth and fullness… later I would experience this same feeling in India on another trip… so, these Empowered Sounds are not Indian or Hindu or Tibetan… they are universal principals of the Divine Mother… they are aspects of her power and love… and her many forms… they are invocations of becoming the Mother within your own being…no matter if you are man or woman…

As I moved throughout the Sacred Valley, beginning in Cusco, said to be the Navel of the world Om Ram Ma and ended up at Machu Pichu Souh, among all the sights and sounds of Mother… My trip ended on an island on Lake Titicaca… some 13,000 feet above sea level on Amantani, where I spent the solstice with the moon aligned with the temple of Pancha Mama (the Mother) chanting with my wife on my IPhone at 3am and ending in a group ceremony with the sunrise perfectly aligned with the Pancha Tata (the Father) around 5am… In the end you can only know the Mother through the awareness created by the Father… and to integrate consciousness and energy… Mother and Father within oneself… coming to the point that you are both… fully integrated male and female… this is not an end point, Enlightenment but a beginning point of exploring your own consciousness and energy… a microcosm of the macrocosm… to explore out there… all the cosmology, you explore within your own energy systems…

Upon coming back from Peru… people began to be able to rest their awareness more easily above their head with Sow…. my rule of using any Empowered Sound, is if 9 out of 10 students are able to have an experience with a Sound, it stays, if not, it goes… and together we build the space of the Mother, within ourselves individually… but through a collective process of practicing together and integrated the practices into our daily lives… when the real changes arrive… in the little moments… with our work, families and day to day challenges…

As I went further into my exploration at course at Clairvision, I presenced Doom and the center we rest on 6 to 12 inches below the feet during a week of inner exploration… again… this link from the Amazon… to the Volcanic land energies of Northern California to my last trip to India and the Doorga temple in Varanasi… the Mother was all around… because she is within…

When I went to India, I had planned to go to Rishikesh, Varanasi and end my Northern India exploration in Kalkota before returning to Puducherry in the South for my last week to attend a Sanskrit course… however plans kept me in Puducherry for the entire trip… my experiences went deeper and deeper with each new day’s practices. And my other plans kept getting cancelled… However, I was so drawn to Northern India… so when I saw on Miguel Ruiz‘s site a trip of those exact places I wanted to visit… I was led to say, YES!  I need to go to uncover deeper aspects of the Sounds of Mother.

As we arrived in Mumbai, we had a day to rest… but I was itching for temples and I found myself with some new friends and we landed in a Lakshmi and then Ganesha temple… at the Lakshmi temple there was this huge warmth landing in the heart and a pure white light above… Gum and Souh… then at the Ganesha temple, there was this high presence, up above the head that just allowed me to lock into this intensity… Om Foo Gana… and off we went to Shirdi to see Sai Baba… the great saint of India’s… Samadhi and town.

The first night, I was off to bed after a 5 hour bus ride… but the Group facilitator was giving a tour of the town.  He had been there nearly 20 years ago when it was empty, just the Samadhi and now there was literally a mall built right next to the Samadhi… which has a building that is nothing but aisles and aisles of lines to get to the Samadhi. I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, just 40 minutes from Cedar Point (an amusement park that was known across the world for its rollercoasters).  I use to wait hours to get on new rides, but that is nothing compared to waiting for the morning aarti (fire ceremony).  I woke up at 2:00am after just an hour of sleep to be down in line by 2:30, and I was expecting to be at the head of the line.  This was not the case, it was packed… people literally sleeping in the line, it was beyond any Black Friday mania… the people have Bhakti (devotion), which is unparalleled.  If you take our western obsession with gadgets like the iPod and iPhone and who knows what will be next… and mix it with any other countries obsession with Futbol (what we like to call soccer in the US) during the World Cup, you have the level of Fire in these people’s hearts… but they are not looking to get the next gadget or see the big game, they are coming for aarti… to sing and praise God… Sai Baba is said to be a Shiva principal, he was a living force of the Divine Father energy… Christ like in his stories and presence… unwavering humility and an unparalleled heart… and he has since passed over a hundred years ago, but still people line up all day long to go to sing praise to him everyday of the week. They come from all over India and the world just to sing and walk by his statue… why you may ask… because he is pure Om Ram Ma…the shining sun… Fire… Love… the navel center.. Pure belly…

I sat down in line and by the end I had a mom and her daughter resting on one knee and two grandmothers on my other side, as we sat for hours… then the rush of the doors opening, and people literally push and shove to just get one moment of connection with the statue, to get to look into Sai Baba’s eyes… and let me tell you it is WORTH it… to me this Devotion is Mother… she permeates through everyone who waits in line… you can see her in every pair of eyes you see… in every hand that has brought flowers to offer to God… to each voice that chants aloud… to the LOVE with in each of our hearts… this is MOTHER… she is everywhere… She is pouring down her Sow… just like at the Pancha Mama temple on Amantani in Peru and later what I felt at Mother Theresa‘s mission where she is buried in Kalkota.  Like the moon that shines the Sun’s bright light in the darkest of nights… She is everywhere and can be felt throughout all spiritual paths and traditions… in all religions, whether it is mother Mary or Tripura Sundari, the mystic moon or Earth Goddess.. Om Sow Soondari… she is everywhere and everything… she is the CREATION.

The Mother is everything… everywhere… everyone… she HOLDS all of us… no matter what we do… loving or unloving… she is kind… she is compassionate… she loves us unconditionally… at times she seems to be hiding… at the Kali temple (she is the Goddess depicted by bones and skulls, always standing over a dead body) in Kalkota she was hiding behind fear… anger… violence… but she was there shining her light… her warmth… her BLISS… her LOVE, behind all the distractions… as she is in every war, not in the destruction, but in the tearing away of illusion, in the stripping away of the ego… in Death, she greets us with open arms… she is the Dragon… the depth of Fear… the endless abyss… the great unknown… she is the Dark Goddess…. the Black Madonna… Om Boo Naga… Om Doom Doorga… Om Ram Ma… Om Streem Vasookee… in all her Purity… she is as old as Life itself… she is the beginning and the end… she is the eternal womb… we all come from her… and will return to her… She is all encompassing… She is eternal salvation… she is HEALING… becoming whole again… a return to the light after the Dark Night of the Soul… She is AWAKENING… Heaven on Earth… she is the BEST of all of us… she is what can heal the worst of all of us… she is YOU, she is ME… she is all powerful miracle of LIFE, she is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and Acceptance… and I thank her for everything… she is the union of the Masculine and Feminine… she is Shiva and Shakti… she is man and woman… she is CREATION…

Will you make her Sounds with me?… will you build her in your heart and your belly and your BEING?… will you BE her in the world?

I hope we all integrate her into our everyday life… in the times when no one is looking, in the moments where we make the real decisions… in the times where we choose selfishness or kindness… not in sacrifice but in eternal transformation… in a new humanity, who has been always waiting to arrive… she is the choice of the Mind, your thoughts, your emotional reactions… or HER SOUNDS… what do you choose?

In love and gratitude,

Michael Nardi

Following my path and the Teachers along the way

6 years ago, I found myself completely out of my element… I was looking at this crystal that supposedly opened your kundalini… it had hundreds of tiny quartz looking crystals on it’s face and it cost a pretty penny, but I went to a local crystal shop that I took my infant daughter (who now is in first grade), because what does a workaholic, now stay at home Dad do during the day… I had attempted a couple of moms group, but I did not have the boobs to fit in… so I found myself going on lots of walks and frequenting a crystal shop… at that point it was fun, each crystal had a certain flavor, a given energy… the shop was no bigger then 10ish feet by 20-30ish feet.  So, with my daughter resting against my chest, I would feel a lil of this and a little of that and have fun trying out all the crystals.

Nonetheless, I went looking for this crystal I had found in a magazine, and I found something quite similar.  Now, when I asked the price, the shop-owner said that she had never seen it before, and I could have it for $2.  I was more than excited to bring it home and see what magic it might contain.  So, as I was rocking my daughter asleep, I kept it in my hand.  Now I can’t tell you if it was before, after or during myself falling asleep… but I felt like a huge energetic knot, like a big thick rope you climb in gym class untangling below my bum.  Then this thick energy started moving up my body and exiting out my forehead and moving back and forth above my head.

When you spend 11 hours a day with an infant, your mental state is highly suspect.  I kind thought I was losing my mind, I had felt energy before… but it never stayed for hours let alone days.  This serpent like, undulating energy wasn’t going anywhere and when I asked my wife if she could feel it and saw her face, I was a bit worried.  So, I had some friends feel too, for 3 days this energy was consuming my limited view point and breaking down my beliefs I had held for so long.

However, I was bit spooked to say the least, and when I asked the teachers and other people in my current circles if they had any clue what to bring some balance… no one had any answers. So, when one of my students told me about a PHD (who was now an energy healer and wrote an article on Kundalini) and his corresponding talk he was giving… I had to give it a shot.  I went and was there early because my friend had a conference call she had to take before the event, I went ahead and asked him about Kundalini…  He didn’t have any additional information other than a meditation technique I was already doing, and that didn’t seem to be the solution because I was worried it might be the cause of my condition as I was beginning to call it.  But the energy technique he was using, seemed to calm things down for me.

So, I was going to go on a retreat he was offering in the coming months with my wife, but for whatever reason we were unable to go.  Although, there was a suggested reading of Awakening the 3rd Eye, and I read it.  Samuel, the author of the book, blew my mind.  One of the big break throughs in meditation for me was the idea of having awareness in more than one place in the body.  When I figured this out after years of meditating, I could rest more easily.  Samuel had wrote this is the first chapter, he had even more.  This man, had so much information in one book that I was hooked.  I had to have more, so I read all his books.  Then I had to try his regression technique, so my wife gave me a session for my birthday.  We drove to NYC from Philly, so I could try it.  In the meantime, I decided I was going to see him in California at his school of meditation.

The first session I had on the first day, I all of sudden started crying… I mean hysterically crying… I had cried 3 times in my life since I was a kid… I mean I could count them, they were life changing moments for me… men on the East coast don’t cry, only when babies are born or people die or your sports team breaks a curse to win the championship… but other than that you don’t cry… AND now I was nearly screaming… or was I screaming? I was a women and my baby was dying.  I felt such guilt and GRIEF.

Previously I had come to the conclusion after working in hospice for a couple of years that we have lived more than once.  The things I saw while doing healing work for people dying everyday, shifted my perception.  But now I was experiencing being a woman with a dying baby and being me, Michael at the same time.  My viewpoint of the world was forever shifting, past lives were real… because I was experiencing one.

Then life as it does swept me away, and one day I was buying a mala to use to count my breath or so I thought.  I found these beads in the case at a Tibetan store that I was drawn too, and when I held them… it felt like Harry Potter holding his wand for the first time… but I was told they were some 80 year monk’s beads who had meditating in the Himalayan mountains and they were $250.  So, I very much thanked the woman who owned the store and gave them back.

I walked out the store with my wife and this voice way above my head, said in not so many words that I was making a huge mistake and I had to go back and buy the beads or I would ruin my life.  My wife looked at me and said go back to store, get the beads.  So, I did.

The next day I bought a book about mantra.  I had no idea what it was, but i knew it had something to do with meditation or yoga.  Well I read the entire book that day and started my first mantra.  And I haven’t stopped chanting since.

I did take 8 months off when I went back to the meditation school, and I became a practitioner of regression.  I was able to take courses from Samuel, and I learned truly how to have a mediation practice.  He inspired me to push myself past my limits, and I couldn’t stop practicing.  I learned so much about how to navigate my inner world and how to build my subtle bodies.  If I ever had a teacher he was it, but I couldn’t hold my passion for mantra back any longer and I secretly began chanting again.  Then I formerly left the school to continue my pursuit of mastering myself through Meditation Using Sanskrit Sounds.

I took courses and read any book I could find on mantra, japa and chanting.  There are not many.  In the end it was through practice, where I gained most of my knowledge.  Combining all I had learned from Samuel and my personal experience, I built a system of practice.  It helped me work through my grief, anger and fear.

Then it led my wife to send me to India.  There I found myself in a little seaside town, at an Ashram of a woman named Mother.  All the questions I had about mantra and japa were being answered through her writings and my experiences at her Samadhi (where she was buried).

I had been teaching mantra for about 4 years at this point, but after India I had really built a system that began creating more sustainable change in people’s lives.  Then I was called to Peru and to learn from Shamans in the Amazon and in the mountains.  Each time a new message came, I listened more quickly.  And it brought back to India, where I have just returned.

I met amazing people and visited amazing temples.  In the end the answer is always the same, all is inside.  All the answers we look for are inside, we have them.  So, what is the trick.  I keep finding people, who live more inside than outside…  Who teach me not to ask them for the answers, but they teach techniques for me to find my own answers.  This is what I share when teaching Meditation Using Empowered Sounds.  The answers are not with the Teacher.  A teacher, is someone who has more awareness in the moment you are sharing with them.  They have something to offer, and if you are listening, you can take it with you.  They like Samuel teach you how to practice or now in Jose the Teacher I met on this trip to open their heart to you.  Krishna Das, the famous Kirtan singer, says his teacher told him “I let you love me unconditionally.”

I feel like I have a chance to do this with Jose.  I never was able to love Samuel unconditionally, I even left before I had the opportunity to work closely with him… but he did teach me to practice.  And I saw how others loved him, and this was teaching enough… he has since passed.

I now know with Jose, I have an opportunity to learn, but the real work happens when you leave the classroom.  It happens in the little moments that define us.  The ones with our loved ones when no one is looking.  When are masks are off, before our anger overcomes us or after, can we ask for forgiveness, can we forgive ourselves, can we become more of who we are?  Can we love ourselves?  Can we awaken?  Can we keep listening to the voice of the heart? Can we ignore our minds and all the judgments? Can we just BE who we truly are?

As times passes, I believe we can.  I FEEL it more and more.

Everyone is a teacher, but if you find yourself with someone who says they have something to offer, pay attention.  What part of you is wanting a teacher, your victim or your vulnerability?  Is it the part of you trying to escape the moment or the part of you that is trying to enter it.  I have come to se, we get what we seek, so take a moment and ask yourself what are you seeking?

I hope to continue to seek love, truth and wisdom.

Michael Nardi

Trying to keep my eyes open

So, I am in day 3 of my return from a 2 weeks journey in India with 22 beautiful people and dozens of magical places.

This is my second trip to India, so I knew how not to get sick (don’t eat fresh food) and I did not have to go through getting a Visa and all that mess…

I also, as wonderfully advised by my guide, respected the culture a little more. I am not for rules, so instead of tank tops and shorts, I wore traditional Indian dress, sleeves (hid my tattoos to a varying degree), held the flower I was offering at the temples mostly with my right hand (who is perfect?, surely not me) and I hid my mala (when I could or when I felt it was appropriate).


Now traveling to India is like having time flipped upside down, nothing is ever early and everything is always 10 minutes, an hour, a day later than the mind expects. Point being, you are either frustrated as a Westerner or you let go of the mind. Either way, you lose it (the mind) or your sanity… why not the mind and JUST be…

Or in my case just hold on to repeating my mantram (a given formula of Sanskrit Sounds) at all times and enjoy the ride.

Another little trick of the trade that I used to use before mantra, was intention. Our guide reminded us that every time you look in one of the statues eyes, ask for something. Now, you have to be ready, because you could have been in line for 2 hours in 90 degree weather, rubbing against all sorts of people as if you were a 15 year grinding at your first school dance and ready to just jump out of your skin while security is pushing each person out of the way…

Because most Indians have so much devotion, they will literally grab the bar in the front of the statue( a physical representation of God) to get one extra moment to look at the statue or samadhi (this is a place where a Saint has left energy with their physical body to grace those to come and visit). And these places are no joke, you can feel God has been hanging out here for a long time. This is not like churches in the West that are home of long sermons on the devil and yearly financial review void of spirit. They are literally embed with LIFE, with God, with something that usually is indescribable. That is the cause and effect of the people’s Bhakti (devotion to God, day after day,, worshipping, cleaning the statue, dressing it, singing to it).

It is literally like watching 14 year old girls see a boy band and screaming that shrill scream of complete insanity to just touch them or the old videos of Beattle mania, where the people want to tear open John, Apul, George and Ringo or watching grown men drink themselves silly in excitement while tailgating before a playoff football game. These people LOVE God, so you literally might have a second a split second a moment to set an intention while looking in the eyes of the statue of God in the form of Shiva (the Divine Father) or Kali (the Divine Mother) before you are pushed out of the way by the guards and the fellow devotees (the Indians who have traveled 12 hours on bus or train to just get a moment with God).

Not much time to think or reflect, it is not exactly like the Catholic masses I attended as a kid, where you can’t make a noise, let alone fart without feeling eternal damnation… while whether you are 3 or 80, you just sit and listen for an hour of silence and inner dialogue-not always kind while you are in God’s house.

This is more a wild dash to the finish. So, you need to be centered and prepared.

This is why I kept my asking, my intention simple. Mother or Father depending on the temple “open my heart.”

I have spent years presencing places within myself to rest on. This just means instead of being controlled by my thoughts and emotions, I repeat sounds like OM, internally. AND repeat, all day long, this is JAPA (the silent uttering of the divine name. You could repeat, Jesus have mercy on me, but I like Sanskrit because they are sound and generally the words don’t have meaning but FEELING.) So, in the temples through the craziness of people swarming to be with God, to look into Her or His eyes, I just kept repeating my sounds. And feeling the presence throughout the lines and craziness. I feel all the different flavors of God in his masculine and feminine forms. Her warmth, His kindness, Her love, His Joy, etc….

And then during my split second of being with God, I would ask “Open my heart.” Usually I was met with an ease. Like coming home on a cold day, feeling the warmth of the heat or fire place, being graced with a cup of tea or hot coco. That fills your heart with love and warmth. The sense of being held.

Now as I return from 21 hours of air time and another 10 or so of layovers and airport time from India to Medford, OR. I have been just trying to keep my eyes open, like I felt during this 4 hours trip in India on a bus, where if I did sleep, I would be awaken by a bump sitting in the back of the bus that sent me flying in the sky, literally levitating, when we road on unpaved, dirt roads and the bumps became a mantram in themselves. Hundreds of bump, bump, bumps lol.

So, I had an epiphany these last couple of days while my kids have been SO excited to see me and I can hardly keep my eyes open. When instead of a good night of sleep, I have a sweet boy who can’t stop puking. And I have awesome students, who are excited to get chanting with me again, and I feel like I am still levitating in the back seat, just trying to keep my eyes open…

I remembered my intention… instead of beating myself up that I can’t give my kids what they need or the attention they want… and my wife the rest she deserves or the rest my body needs, because instead of bumps in the road I have crying kids, who need my love and holding…….. I just keep asking Mother, Father to “open my heart.” And the ease comes back and it slows my incessant thinking, my frustrated disoriented mind, who can’t tell day from night, to just rest, I am back before God, looking into Her eyes and feeling Him within me.

And I return to resting on my Empowered Sounds with such appreciation for 2 weeks of MAGIC, in India.

If you find yourself frustrated or feeling out of control, pop in for a Co-healing or Co-awakening class and learn some Empowered Sounds. Or better yet come up with a simple intention… asking not Mother of Father out THERE to help, but the Mother and Father within to hold you. TO be with you. And just rest on the ease, the warmth, the GRATITUDE of LIFE. STOPPING, the mind’s need to FIX or control life and just simply opening to the something BIGGER, emerging from within.

Keeping your eyes open when you can, and resting with them closed when you get a chance.

Love and Warmth : )

Michael Nardi