As I become responsible, I realize more and more...loving myself is the only way I can really heal.
The victim in me will wait its whole life to receive love. Like the man who kept praying to God during a flood. As he sat on his roof and people kept coming to save him... he just told them all God will save me. As the water became higher people kept coming and he kept saying No. then he dies, gets to heaven and he sees God. He asks why didn't you save me? God replies I sent one person after another, you kept saying No.
In the words of Miguel Ruiz, "you are either happy or stupid". This man was stupid. Our victims are stupid. My victim is stupid.
When I fall into grief, my victim says No. NO. NO!
And I wait. Sometimes for a very long time. Not as long as I did in the past.
Now I realize with my awareness, that I am sulking. I am misery-ing.
Then I choose to make an Empowered Sound. Om Gum Gana or Om Ram Mama Raksha or any sound. Something that can hold my victim. Because even though he is stupid, I have to love his stupid ass. And teach him that he has to stop hating himself. And I have to show him how? Because like I said he is stupid.
You know those moments where you are stubborn. Refusing to let in any love. Everyone tries to listen, to love, to hold you. You refuse. You are stubborn.
I would add to Miguel's phrase and say you are "either happy" or stubborn.
This part, my Michael, will never evolve unless I teach him. There are a million techniques or practices for him to learn. Any will work. One that calls to me will work even better. The one I know works for me. Whatever works.
For me I have to keep it simple. Make sound. Use my voice. Especially aloud. My voice heals my hurts. It uplifts me to my Eternal Flame. I become more.
The candle won't light itself.
Time has changed. It is time to light our own flames. And stop being stupid. And stubborn.
Have courage and light your flame this New Years. Because you are not stupid or stubborn. "You are powerful beyond measure". You are beautiful. You are perfect as you are. But all of this doesn't matter unless you stop saying No.